I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
