Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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