I'm lost and stupid without you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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