This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
