would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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