Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
