if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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