it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
