Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
