We need to rekindle our bromance
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
