You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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