she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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