I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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