I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
