he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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