guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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