You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
