The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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