I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
