Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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