Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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