I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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