Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
