The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
