I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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