Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
