Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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