i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
