I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
