Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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