I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
