things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
