We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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