Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
