i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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