HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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