evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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