I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
