Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
