i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
