My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
