I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
