I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
