I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
