we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
