So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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