So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
