im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
