she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
