Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
