My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
